Like What Animals Do
by Creona
Summary: Shinpachi throws up his hands, straight man gone, blown to bits, and -damn it all, still none of them understood anything. "Kagura-chan is going into heat, kidnapped, and possibly sold into slavery and YOU'RE ALL HAVING TEA."
1. Chapter 1

Abuto tends to think a lot. Of course it comes with the job and the captain, whom is an airhead and doesn't do much except fight and eat. So he does enough overtime thinking to make up for the two of them.

He thinks about all sorts of things. Like when he'll get a vacation, what he'd be doing if he wasn't a space pirate, why he can't have a captain that does his paperwork, and most importantly, ___when_ will his captain start doing his paperwork. Despite all the obnoxious airs he puts on, Abuto knows that his red-headed superior isn't completely dumb and if that idiot put his mind to it, the papers would done in a flash.

He walks briskly to engine room of the spaceship, ready pick up more reports for his captain (which will most likely find a way into ___his_ pile of work instead) and overhears a conversation between two of his fellow Yato pirates.

"My wife went into heat yesterday."

"What?! Why aren't you back with her?"

"Well, it's suppose to be next week, and that's the week I filed a vacation for, but she had a kid recently so her schedule is all messed up now."

"Is there someone with her?"

"Yeah, her mother is."

"She's gonna be pissed when you get back."

"If you don't hear from me after next week, you know what's happened to me."

The men laugh as they slap each other on the back, making jokes about life insurance and prepaid day care. Abuto watches them amble away from the corner of his eye.

___Well, Yato heats, huh?_ That brings back memories. Of course, he had been with a few Yato women in his life, no serious relationships however. It's hard to deal women as is, never mind one that can throw you through a wall or two without breaking a sweat.

Yato women go into heat once year, usually a week after their birthdays. They can last 3 days, or 4 if it's the first one. It's not a taboo subject in the clan, just not spoken aloud because Yato women find it embarrassing. (___When he said 'embarrass' he meant the shut-up-or-get-shot type, not the daintily blushing type._)

Abuto quite understands how it could be somewhat humiliating. Having to lose all your strength, being unable to control your desires and standing at the mercy of your mate for three whole days. Not that he ever minded the last part.

Speaking of Yato women... Abuto thinks of a certain little girl making a home for herself on Earth as he makes his way back to their shared office quarters.

___Does she know about this stuff?_

* * *

Abuto opens the door and finds a butter knife on a suicidal mission, flying towards his head. He manages to duck down before the damned knife took out his left eye.

"I'm not interested in looking like the Kihetai leader any time soon," Abuto comments dryly.

Kamui chuckles, "Just testing your reflexes, Abuto. Though I'm sure Takasugi wouldn't mind a friend like himself."

"He's got his own samurai army, that's more than enough friends."

His captain gives a hum in acknowledgement but Abuto knows he wasn't listening anymore. The red haired youngster steadies a basket of toast on his lap as he tries shove as many pieces of bread into mouth as can.

"They gave me jam to put on the toast but it took too much effort so I thought you could have the knife," the Yato captain said, or that's what Abuto could make out from the slurred speech as the man spoke while aggressively stuffing his face.

The elder of the two sighed as he sat down at his desk and attempted to make progress into his iron wall of paperwork.

He lets his mind wander a bit as he distractedly skims through pages and pages on auto electric power generators.

___Did our little miss on Earth know about Yato heats?_ He could imagine a rather problematic situation occurring if she didn't. Mainly, a harem of men gathering outside her house, begging to ravish her. The scent of a Yato in heat is rather potent, especially to weaker species (accordingly, 96% of known alien species are weaker than Yatos, which leaves a very large number of potential males) and Yato females are universally known for being fair-skinned beauties.

Feeling slightly concerned, he kind of wants to ask the captain if his sister was of age yet. Kind of. However, he really likes living too.

Despite the indifference Kamui shows towards all members of his family, he knows that his sister is an extremely touchy topic. He asked about her after the Yoshiwara fiasco and lost the right half of his ribs in the process.

___"Ne, Abuto. Weaklings aren't worth discussing, alright?"_

Thus, the subject was buried under bedrock and forced amnesia, never to be brought up again.

(Abuto also swore that the box full of candid photos of a certain female Yato with twin buns was not real. He had not found said box in the back of the captain's closet during laundry day. No sir, he found no such thing. Not at all.)

___Of all the captains in this world, mine just had to be the sis-con living in the deepest pit of denial yet._ Abuto sighs inwardly.

To ask or not to ask. A potentially life threatening question it is. He doesn't have any ill feelings towards the Yato girl, despite getting his ass handed to him at Yoshiwara. Maybe he's getting too parental about these crazy siblings.

He didn't like fighting other Yatos, their species was endangered as is. And it absolutely did not sit well with him that a member of their clan is possibly being taken advantage of because she didn't know about her heats.

"Say, Captain."

The red head eyes the empty basket with dissatisfaction and continues to do so as he answers, "What is it?"

Abuto takes a deep breath as he wearily crosses the line of conversation that may end his very life.

"How old is your sister?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** _Thanks for all the nice comments guys! I will try to update quickly but school is my life's bane so it'll depend._

* * *

The silence that permeated that air was uncomfortably awkward, but Abuto was just glad he was still alive.

___There, I asked it. I asked the question that will bring the universe into supernova. I leave my fate to the gods._

Kamui stares unblinkingly at him until a sinister grin splits his face.

"Oh my Abuto, aren't you brave? To think you'd dare set your sights on my sister-"

Of all the meanings he could have gotten from that question, this was the meaning he deduced?

"No wait, that's not what I meant at all. Hey, are you listening to me?!"

The captain threateningly steps towards his subordinate and continues to ramble on threats, obviously having heard none of what Abuto tried to clarify.

"-you think she's one of those nightly courtesans? Do you make her out to have such low standards? And you think I'll give you the chance-"

"No! Captain, I just wanted-"

"It's not smart to want things you can't have, Abuto. She's not very bright, but I'll make sure parasites don't get near-"

"I was worried the little miss would have her first heat on Earth without someone to tell her!" he bellows.

Kamui stops, eyes wide. Abuto can literally see a quiet 'ooooooh' play across his brain.

They stare at each other, one waiting to be torn in half and the other in a slight daze of thought. The staring continues longer and longer but Abuto doesn't look away, afraid that one blink may be the death of him.

"Abuto, set up a transitory spaceship for Earth."

Huh? He did hear that correctly, right? "Earth? Now?"

The chilling smile seeps back onto Kamui face as he punctuates, "Now."

The Yato continues to grin as Abuto runs to carry out his order. He sits down and starts crushing pens into small pieces to release his frustration.

___Has anyone dared touch her?_ He hopes not because if anyone has, the perpetrator better be prepared to have both arms ripped off, two eyes blinded and all internal and external organs removed.

He was foolish. Foolish in thinking she was protected by her Yato strength (much, much weaker than his but compared to Earthlings, her weak strength will do). Foolish to even believe that silver samurai will do his job as a (reluctant) surrogate father and provide proper care.

And extremely foolish of him to forget that his distant sister is growing older and will one day be of age to find lovers and boyfrien- AND THAT IS JUST UNACCEPTABLE.

Another pen cracks in his grip and falls to the graveyard of plastic scraps and ink on the floor.

Maybe she is heading toward her first heat but there will be no lovers. No boyfriends. No one. He'll make sure of it.

* * *

___Oh Lord high above, make sure to remind me to never have a kid_, he thinks blearily as high pitched yelling assaults his ears.

"Gin-chan! It's your turn to cook and I'm hungry! Wake up you lazy ass bum!"

He blindly gropes around above his head until his thumb hit the side of the Justaway clock. He stares at it, trying to remember what numbers were and why the clock doesn't have any backlighting so he can see the fucking numbers.

"Kagura, it's 8:30. Why are you awake at 8:30? You're never awake at 8:30."

Kagura's mouth forms a pout as she shakes the samurai some more. "But I'm hungry! Gin-chan ate all the leftovers and didn't buy eggs because our pockets are emptier than MADAO's."

Apparently, it's his fault they're piss poor. It's not like she wasn't eating her way out of all his savings. Her and her monster dog. (___Sadaharu is only a puppy_, she had said sweetly. Like hell it is.) He's been counting how many bowls she ate and its gone up from 18 to 23. At least that baldy could have left a couple bags of gold to feed this black hole. That is the least he could do, after dropping off his only daughter into the hands of a stranger. Common courtesy, really.

Speaking of daughters, the one that's freeloading in his house has been acting weird. Weird enough that he's actually a bit concerned.

She has been a non stop, hyperactive laser beam as of late. She's up early, food gone one second, out the door the next, and doesn't come back till sundown.

Shinpachi is happy to see she's out and about but he knows better. They're only like this right before the worst part of puberty hits. The part where they're all gloomy and cold, locking up their rooms, refusing to speak to society, slipping messages under the doors, muttering in ancient languages, starting fires with black magic...

Gin shudders to think what Kagura would be like when the time comes. How many walls will he have replace? How many broken limbs will he get? God knows, he doesn't want to.

He feels himself physically dragged across the floor and into the kitchen. He groans tiredly, gets up and starts filling the rice cooker with rice.

"Go wash up," he orders and the kid happily bounces to the washroom. He pours in a decent amount of water and starts the cooker up. He yawns and stretches his arms up, feeling sore bones pop into place.

And another day starts again.

* * *

Shinpachi watches Kagura skip out the door, umbrella in hand and Sadaharu bounding after her.

"See ya later, Shinpachi," she calls out as loud thumping of the stairs follow.

"Buy some ketchup and salt on your way home!" He yells back, sliding the door close. He returns to the weird purple stains he's been trying to scrub from the floor.

___Kagura-chan has been really energetic lately_, he notes to himself. There's been a decline in derogatory nicknames for him and a lot less yelling over changing the channels.

Maybe it's the new friends she's made. She goes on and on about Mako-chan's new litter of kittens and when Akari-chan went to the new amusement park and how Natsumi's ex was such a douche bag and "deserved to have his skull smashed into bits on a tax robber's car".

Kagura's acting more like a fourteen year-old girl and less like a certain lazy samurai; he'd be lying if he said he wasn't glad.

"Patsuan, some tea would be nice."

"Get it yourself, Gin-san."

Yes, thank God Kagura won't turn out like him.


End file.
